Hmm Can I Really Spend 20 on a Semen Cookbook and Continue My Life as Normal

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· 110 ratings · 25 reviews

Start your review of Natural Harvest - A Collection of Semen-Based Recipes

Sep 08, 2010 karen rated it it was amazing

get over here, bourdain...

in this economy, cutting back is sometimes necessary. groceries are expensive, and sometimes you gotta find ways to be more self-sufficient: windowsill herb gardens, cutting coupons, eating out less. i hear you.

so what about this??

think of it like a victory garden... in your pants!!

i guarantee this will get men to cook and have fun doing it!! brings families together!! don't contribute to overpopulation - do some cooking instead!!!

and vegans, i gotta know - where do yo

get over here, bourdain...

so what about this??

think of it like a victory garden... in your pants!!

i guarantee this will get men to cook and have fun doing it!! brings families together!! don't contribute to overpopulation - do some cooking instead!!!

and vegans, i gotta know - where do you stand on this? i understand not wanting to eat meat or things that come out of animals who are trapped in their pens with their big eyes or fluffy feathers, i understand not wanting to steal from the bees' hard labor, but this?? i assure you, the animal in question feels no pain and would not be caged against its will and would probably be producing this ingredient out of boredom or loneliness regardless.

cum on, vegans!!

"spunky candied pecans"!! oh, wait - that has butter. hang on. if y'all are cool with the manjuice, you can have "noodles with special spicy sauce" and not wound anything!

it is actually a very practical cookbook, and offers several tips such as keeping a cumstash in the freezer to which you (one) contribute(s) every day so you always have provisions on hand. (three days in the fridge without deterioration, apparently indefinitely in the freezer) there are tips about maximizing your (one's) semen production, how to enhance its flavor, how to "melt" ejaculate, i mean, it is for the very resourceful, but the food photography is gorgeous, so even padma would probably put this stuff in her mouth!

and of course, a disclaimer "this cookbook is written for consenting diners of semen. please do not add semen to your guest's food without informing them beforehand."

those are the author's words, i am making no promises. ima get me a stable of males and some new saucepans.

oh, and lesball - there is a lumpia recipe!!

omnivore's dilemma indeed...

come to my blog!

...more

Nov 30, 2010 mark monday marked it as unread-forever

okay so maybe i will never purchase or sincerely review this tome. but the reading of this recipe book's excerpts and its various reviews on amazon created several days of continuous hilarity for me and my staff. and for that i must pay homage to it.

thanks for the guilt-free laughs, Natural Harvest!

also for inspiring the salty, protein-rich office potluck that took place that friday. delish, and good for you too!

__________

a sad update: mysteriously, the book and all of its sublime reviews have

thanks for the guilt-free laughs, Natural Harvest!

also for inspiring the salty, protein-rich office potluck that took place that friday. delish, and good for you too!

__________

a sad update: mysteriously, the book and all of its sublime reviews have since been removed from amazon.

i think they must be a'feard of the terrible truths it speaks!

...more

Sep 12, 2010 Oriana marked it as to-read

wow, this is my new absolute most favorite horrifying book. it even replaces this one, and I haven't even read it yet!! wow, this is my new absolute most favorite horrifying book. it even replaces this one, and I haven't even read it yet!! ...more

Wow.

Looks to me like an author out there is looking for a good use for all the spunk he's, uh, unloading.

Wow.

This whole being green/sustainable thing has gone too far, people.
TOO FAR!

Wow.

Looks to me like an author out there is looking for a good use for all the spunk he's, uh, unloading.

Wow.

This whole being green/sustainable thing has gone too far, people.
TOO FAR!

...more

Dec 27, 2015 Rammi rated it really liked it

I was very drunk when I bought this book. Dear God, the pictures...

Brings a whole new meaning to "gag gift."

I was very drunk when I bought this book. Dear God, the pictures...

Brings a whole new meaning to "gag gift."

...more

Jun 16, 2010 Angus rated it it was amazing

Wow, I'm not sure where to begin. First off all, this is not for the kids, pretty adult themed content here, I mean almost ALL of these recipes call for some, well, you know...I've tried all of them (used my own supply! *_* not so bad. Don't limit yourself (or others) to what you can serve them w/ out really telling them what you're serving them, unless they like it! FREE MARTHA!!!!!! Wow, I'm not sure where to begin. First off all, this is not for the kids, pretty adult themed content here, I mean almost ALL of these recipes call for some, well, you know...I've tried all of them (used my own supply! *_* not so bad. Don't limit yourself (or others) to what you can serve them w/ out really telling them what you're serving them, unless they like it! FREE MARTHA!!!!!! ...more

Sep 14, 2015 Cathryn marked it as reviews-say-no

No. Just....no. I'm speechless right now. No. Just....no. I'm speechless right now. ...more

I can't help but appreciate the originality. I can't help but be disturbed by the idea.

I admit, I have bought this as a gag gift for more than a few people. It never fails to please! And while I

~~have yet to~~ won't try any of the recipes, most seem to be pretty standard - with a lil semen mixed in during the last step. The author claims this is "so that the delicate flavors do not risk getting overwhelmed by the other ingredients or destroyed by the cooking process." So if you or your friends do I can't help but appreciate the originality. I can't help but be disturbed by the idea.

I admit, I have bought this as a gag gift for more than a few people. It never fails to please! And while I

~~have yet to~~ won't try any of the recipes, most seem to be pretty standard - with a lil semen mixed in during the last step. The author claims this is "so that the delicate flavors do not risk getting overwhelmed by the other ingredients or destroyed by the cooking process." So if you or your friends do not wish to have semen in your food, the good news is that this can double as a regular ol' cookbook! 2-for-1!

All 25 recipes include colorful photos and "clever" names: High Protein Smoothie, Irish Coffee with Extra Creme, Slightly Saltier Caviar, Creamy Cum Crepes ...you get the idea. There is also advice on Nutrition, Flavor, Volume and Storage.

Some favorite excerpts:
Please do not add semen to your guest's food without informing them beforehand.

Heat up a lightly oiled frying pan. Remove from heat and ejaculate directly into the pan, return to heat and fry the semen without stirring. This will create a mini-omelette, or in some cases, many small omelette-drops.

The frozen semen can be mixed with syrup and shaved ice to make yummy ice cones.

Hungry yet? :)

...more

Oh my god this is wrong! But I can't stop laughing Oh my god this is wrong! But I can't stop laughing ...more

I love that this book exists.
Just be careful not to over-salt. (Sorry, couldn't resist) I love that this book exists.
Just be careful not to over-salt. (Sorry, couldn't resist) ...more

THIS BOOK IS SO GOOD. Not only is the read good, but the recipes are unbeatable. I gave my husband the man-made oysters (made of his own semen!) and he LOVED it! It was so good. We experimented with many of the recipes before we discovered that most of them were best without any of the other ingredients! We ate straight semen for a few nights in a row. I was as delirious as I´d ever been, extremely hungry from lack of the rest of the ingredients, but I was constantly left with the best aftertast THIS BOOK IS SO GOOD. Not only is the read good, but the recipes are unbeatable. I gave my husband the man-made oysters (made of his own semen!) and he LOVED it! It was so good. We experimented with many of the recipes before we discovered that most of them were best without any of the other ingredients! We ate straight semen for a few nights in a row. I was as delirious as I´d ever been, extremely hungry from lack of the rest of the ingredients, but I was constantly left with the best aftertaste: my husband's semen. I would like to applaud Photenhauer for putting together such a brilliantly sexy recipe book that will be passed down for generations, for my children and grandchildren to enjoy just as I did. My friends will all hear about it as well! Many of them have husbands and I'm sure they will all enjoy it. I can't wait for them all to thank me for showing them Natural Harvest! ...more

Natural Harvest

I came across this book on a podcast and thought it must be a joke. I decided to download on to my Kindle for a read. The book is a serious book about cooking with male bodily fluid. I personally do not fancy adding the ingredient to the enclosed recipes. But it is a good recipe boom for people that what to experiment with cooking, and have the stamina to produce the special ingredient.

Okay. Okay. I know what you're thinking and as much as I'd love to lead everyone on....NO, I did not try any recipes. It was a free Kindle download and my curiosity got the best of me. None of this sounded appealing to me and while I don't want to judge preferences, this was more than a little odd. It made for some seriously great laughs, though. Okay. Okay. I know what you're thinking and as much as I'd love to lead everyone on....NO, I did not try any recipes. It was a free Kindle download and my curiosity got the best of me. None of this sounded appealing to me and while I don't want to judge preferences, this was more than a little odd. It made for some seriously great laughs, though. ...more

I don't even know what to say to this...

Please be sure to tell me, if I were to dine at your house, that you used this particular ingredient to cook the food I'm about to eat.

I don't even know what to say to this...

Please be sure to tell me, if I were to dine at your house, that you used this particular ingredient to cook the food I'm about to eat.

...more

While I ADORE the idea of a semen-based cookbook, I dropped it to 3 stars because there are only a handful of recipes and even fewer that I would potentially try.